crankoppatamus

my life in a nut shell... a walnut shell.

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a belated birthday letter to my husband

dear husband,
what a year we’ve had. 2013 was the year where we got hit with a lot random pitches, a lot of which we swung and missed rather than hitting. getting around the bases wasn’t an easy task. it seemed like a lot of the basemen were those giant walls you have to run through like in Mario brothers. (grrr) 
when people said the first 2 years of marriage were going to be tough, I don’t think it was enough warning for us to comprehend. curve balls were particularly hard to avoid this year, a giant major one which we somehow survived. I often wonder what life would’ve been like had we been blessed with her life, but that’s not something you don’t already know. I don’t know all of your thoughts but I had no doubt you thought the same. with the year coming to an end and as we look back on all that 2013 has taught us, I pray that your heart remains ever so sensitive and vulnerable to His soft voice. God doesn’t always yell and try to get our attention in a clear loud voice, rather He’ll whisper on occasion to make sure we’re really listening.
this year was really filled with a lot of babies, our’s included. she just happens to be with our grandparents at the moment, learning about how we grew up and spending the time that she would not had been able to have, should she had stayed with us. a lot of my tears are still sad, but there is no grief in them.
as you spend your birthday with my family, I hope they don’t become too much of a nuisance to you and you’re able to see how much they love you too. so happy birthday Tommy. may you enjoy steak cooked a perfect medium rare, a cold beer with the right amount of hop, and lots of peanut butter chocolate cake. I love you more than I say and marley and I would be nowhere without you. we’re rooting for you!
love ever so faithfully,
j

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today I learned…

I learned that it takes one moment/comment of negativity to make your rather progressive day turn to self-loathing and become hateful of a certain group of humans. Yet in a moment of innocence, the sound of a child’s laughter and “hello” can turn it all around. It can disperse the dark clouds of pessimism and hatred, revealing the sun that was there and notice the beauty of flowers blooming. It just takes one moment of innocence and sunshine. Just one.

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birthday wish

happy birthday E. some people might think it strange that I wish you happy birthday but it’s not strange at all. you were born today. you didn’t live very long outside but you did live within me. daddy has thought of you lately and even bought a stuffed tiger awhile back. we don’t speak much of it anymore other than the occasional wish and hope that you were our’s. God knew what He was doing and we still have faith that He always will. our wish is that you remain safe in His arms and that one day we’ll see you again. love you.

one day.

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love letter

Emmanuelle Huie came to be known in February 2013.  God had other plans and called her home on April 2nd. 

My baby girl Emmanuelle-

It’s been about a year when your dad and I first found out about your presence.  We didn’t know what to do except hope and pray for the courage to be brave.  Please forgive me, that in my weakness I wondered if you were worth the trouble.  But when I said yes to God, He made it very clear that something worth having will be a battle to be fought with tears and on hands and knees.  Your little being became the center of our lives and your spirit grew larger than our house could contain.  The news of your presence spanned across the miles and we were blessed in receiving such love and wishes of well being.  With each passing day, mommy hoped it would get a bit easier and that you would make it to 12 weeks.  What you didn’t know, was once you grew older than 12 weeks, you would’ve jumped such a huge hurdle. 

It’s been almost a year since that day.  We miss you more than words can speak.  Daddy thinks of you often, though he is slow to express.  Marley hopes you are being protected, for that was to be his job.  I miss you my baby girl and know I will see you one day again.  Love you my darling precious girl.

love,

mom

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